The Numbers of Miscarriage

Studies say that 1 in 4 women will bleed in early pregnancy. But 85% of them will go on to have a healthy baby.

Sometimes I wonder why I have to be the minority.

5 1/2 The number of years we've tried for baby #2.
6 The day of October our dreams looked like they were finally coming true again.
2 The number of tests I took. Just to be sure.
6.11 The day I should have been due.
7 The week the bleeding started.
5 The number of blood tests I've had to take.
5 Also the number of times someone's called with results that broke my heart.
314 The number of times I've questioned what I did wrong, what I could have done differently.
6432 A rough estimate of the number of tears I've cried.
16 The number of blow ups I've had at my husband in the last few weeks.
25 The number of pregnant women I've caught glimpse of in the last few days.
3 The number of times seeing said pregnant women have made me bawl. In public.
4 The number of my last hcg quant.
0-5 The hcg level that means I'm absolutely no longer pregnant.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.

Lost.

My Name

It’s cold in here feels like everything’s upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barely make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
I’m gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paint’s my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven’t learned any fear any pain
It’s kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess they’ve got me, to blame
And they don’t even know my name
And they don’t even know my name

Well I’ve never felt so ready, think it’s finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and it’s mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said don’t worry, your momma's gonna be alright
Then he opened the gate & I followed him in
Said you can wait right, here till it’s your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didn’t even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didn’t even know my name

-George Canyon