Our Week 2.6

These two are so funny. I swear the cat thinks Babycakes is a kitten sometimes.

Little Man turned 7 1/2 this week. We celebrated with 1/2 of a cake, gifts, and fun. I don't know where the time goes. I've decided I just want to keep both boys little forever.

Babycakes now thinks he need to wake up at 6:45. Momma is not so fond of mornings after being up with him at 11, 12, 1, 1:30, 2:15, 3, 4, 5, 5:15, 6, and 6:45.

I call this one his sassy-pants face. I swear this kid has so much attitude already. He just can't hold it all in.

These Days

Been busy...
Playing.
Snuggling.
Cuddling.
Smiling.
Enjoying.

Fail.

Tuesday: Completely forgot it was Little Man's day at the library. Even more, it was the first day in the new library at school. I forgot to send his book so he "had to sit and read a magazine the whole time."

Wednesday: Forgot about Santa's Secret Workshop. Thankfully, some sweet parent gave him $5 to spend. Unfortunately, he has no idea who it was. So I just sent an envelope with money to school and asked the teacher to repay the mom or give it to another kid who forgets.

Realized it was December 1st at about 1:30. Scrambled to create an Advent Calendar in under two hours.
Thursday: Sent Little Man off to school without gloves. It was only 30 couple degrees outside, so he was forced to wear a pair from the teacher's stash. He only acted a little overly dramatic about the whole thing.

Friday: Was so excited that I remembered the food drive started today. Had the bag of boxed goods sitting at the door ready to go, impressed I was sending the requested items on the right day. Double checked the calendar. And the food drive started two days ago.

I am so thankful the weekend's almost here.

The Numbers of Miscarriage

Studies say that 1 in 4 women will bleed in early pregnancy. But 85% of them will go on to have a healthy baby.

Sometimes I wonder why I have to be the minority.

5 1/2 The number of years we've tried for baby #2.
6 The day of October our dreams looked like they were finally coming true again.
2 The number of tests I took. Just to be sure.
6.11 The day I should have been due.
7 The week the bleeding started.
5 The number of blood tests I've had to take.
5 Also the number of times someone's called with results that broke my heart.
314 The number of times I've questioned what I did wrong, what I could have done differently.
6432 A rough estimate of the number of tears I've cried.
16 The number of blow ups I've had at my husband in the last few weeks.
25 The number of pregnant women I've caught glimpse of in the last few days.
3 The number of times seeing said pregnant women have made me bawl. In public.
4 The number of my last hcg quant.
0-5 The hcg level that means I'm absolutely no longer pregnant.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.

Lost.

My Name

It’s cold in here feels like everything’s upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barely make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
I’m gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paint’s my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven’t learned any fear any pain
It’s kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess they’ve got me, to blame
And they don’t even know my name
And they don’t even know my name

Well I’ve never felt so ready, think it’s finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and it’s mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said don’t worry, your momma's gonna be alright
Then he opened the gate & I followed him in
Said you can wait right, here till it’s your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didn’t even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didn’t even know my name

-George Canyon

Wordless Wednesday: From '08

If I think of how much he's grown in just 2 years, I can't decide if it breaks my heart or just amazes me.

Complete Randomness and Fall

Fridays are chaotic around here. Well, lately, it seems that every day brings a little chaos with it.

The phone rings the second I sit down, the emails pile up, then it's time for soccer, for dinner, for work. It seems that I should have so much extra time with Little Man being at school every day, but 4 o'clock rolls around and I realize I haven't crossed a single thing off my to do list. Which grows and grows every minute it seems.
But, I did take the time this week to notice fall making an appearance. Even though the temperatures are well over 90 today, there are still hints of fall out there. The leaves have started to change. The pumpkins and gourds are growing.
Fortunately though, the tomatoes are still coming on. I picked two huge containers full this week and now have "sun-dried" tomatoes in the freezer for winter.
Peppers are cut up in the freezer too.
And Little Man is on his fall field trip today. I'm trying not to be too annoyed that there were too many volunteers for chaperones and I couldn't enjoy the day with him. (It's not working so well though.) But I'm hoping he had fun and didn't melt in the heat.
Yay for fall! Now if only I could find a few more hours in the day. I might actually feel like I got something done.

Taste Buds

The other day, this little one announced, "girls are stronger than boys," in that 6 going on 16 voice I hear often.

This one stopped and thought for a second. I braced myself for his response, so confident another fight was brewing. Then he says, "I'm just as strong as a girl. But girls do have more taste buds."

At least I can say he shares my love of random, useless facts.

Finding Flowers & Randomness

With only 8 days left of kindergarten, things have been nothing less than hectic around here lately. There's been field trips, field day, soccer games, soccer practices, school parties. It feels like life has been going nonstop.

Little Man came home last week to announce that I would be homeschooling him over the summer. And honestly, I have no problem with that idea. I love his love for learning. I only worry how much we'll struggle to get him excited for first grade next year. Only time will tell.

Until then, I can't wait for summer. I'm ready to take a deep breath, relax, and spend some time with my rugrat. He has so many plans for the two of us. So many things he wants to learn, so many things he wants to do. I just hope sleeping in is at the top of that list. (At least for a few days this summer.)

Lately

Lately, I have been saying yes to extra chapters at bedtime. The Bailey School Kids, Magic Tree House, and the Littles have been filling our evenings. And even though Little Man has been going to bed a little late, he's usually happy about it.

Lately, I've been teaching five year olds how to play soccer. Even though I feel like they're going to eat me alive at times, I'm so proud when one of them scores a goal or shows what a good sport they are.

Lately, I've been allowing play dates on Monday afternoons. Play dates filled with balloon games, bowls of strawberries, and lots of giggles.

(The joys of static)

Lately, I've been focused on happiness. When I think about it, there are so many more smiles and laughs then I've ever noticed before.

Secret Messages

Little Man has become more and more confident in his writing skills lately. In turn, I've been finding messages left behind every where.

A few nights ago, I picked up a magnetic poetry set at a consignment sale for $2. Which apparently is a really good deal, since almost everywhere online is sold out of it, and Amazon is quoting their price at $162! (Seriously?!)

Every since it arrived in our house, the number of messages has increased even more. Though, I'm never sure what they explaination will be to go along with them. After finding the "mother boy and father happy together" message, I commented how sweet it was to Little Man. Who explained, it's supposed to say "need to be" happy together. You and me are, but daddy and I don't get along so much.

Apparently, getting those two to get along better is still a work in progress. They are just too much alike, constantly butting heads. Both are stubborn and have no concept of compromising. Drives me crazy.

Something Nice to Say...

Sometimes I worry. I worry that I don't know what I'm doing. I worry that I'm not a good parent.

Then again, maybe the fact that I worry means I am a good parent.

Sometimes, Little Man does something so simple, but it shows me that I must be doing something right. Now don't get me wrong. He has moments of chaos, days moments where he doesn't listen.

But then I find sweet little notes he's left for me.

(I love you mom to the end of the world.)

And I hear stories about school. How a little girl came to class, upset with her new haircut and Little Man went over to tell her that it looked nice. (Even if he confided in me later that he really liked it better the way it used to be.)

He's a good kid. And every second of chaos, every time he "doesn't hear" me, is completely worth it.

Sometimes, I just need to remind myself of that.

Yay Spring!

Yay spring!

That's all.

Snow Fail

These were two of the top headlines on our local paper's website the other day.

Somehow, I don't think they should have been listed in that exact order.

Ick.

Breakfast Time

Waffles with fruit always makes me think summertime. Which is the only thing I want to think of today. Not the foot or more of snow that's going to drop this afternoon.

What's Important

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Less than a week until Christmas, I'm finding presents have yet to be shipped, cookies aren't baked, boxes haven't been wrapped. I'm feeling stressed and behind.

Little Man is sick with some stomach bug that hit over half his school. As I comfort him, offering snuggles and popsicles, I find myself feeling sick. And I know that I don't have time to be sick right now.

Yet somehow, I'm forgetting about what has to get done, what's filling up my to do list. I'm watching Air Buddies, taking afternoon naps with a little rugrat digging his cold toes into my side. I'm playing CandyLand and Go Fish until my fingers hurt. I'm reading Dinosaur Explorer and A Snowy Day over and over.

And tomorrow when the snow hits, I'm sure we'll pick up another book, make more popcorn, snuggle up to Saturday morning cartoons. I'll forget for a minute that Christmas is coming and I have responsibilities to tend to. And I'll just enjoy the moment. I guess someone so little really can teach me what life's all about.

Dreaming of...

I hate dreaming at night.

I know that sounds awful, but I never have the happy, sunshine and puppy dog dreams. At least if I do, I never remember them. Instead, I have the awful, nightmare-but-seems-so-real kind of dreams.

Night after night this week, I've woken up in a sweat, terrified that something is wrong. Each night, I have these dreams that feel so real. Even once I'm awake, I can't shake the feeling that all is not well. I force myself out of bed, check on everyone, and try to go back to sleep. But I find myself falling right back into the nightmare again.

I wish I could just get one good night of rest. I wish I could sleep without dreaming. And I wish I could shake this feeling that something's wrong.

The Problem with Parents

Hubby and I were sitting in KFC the other day, eating some disgustingly greasy, wannabe chicken, when I overheard the conversation of two men behind me.

One was very vehemently discussing "the problem with parents today." Apparently he thinks that parents are too nice to their kids. That by praising our kids we are setting them up for failure. "Why do you think American Idol's such a hit? All their mommies and daddies told them what great singers they were growing up."

Every word out of this man's mouth was rude and judgmental. It was all I could do to bite my tongue. Though I admit, I did make several, loud comments to my husband about how well our son did at his last tumbling practice, about the new song he had learned in school. I may have even let it slip out that some people just shouldn't reproduce (aka Mr Arrogance behind me.)

Somehow I don't think the "problem with parents" is praising their kids. Nor do I think it's giving your kid lots of love and attention. I think the real issue lies with people not paying attention to their kids, not getting to know who their kids are, not being there to support them.

So, yes, I think my kid is amazing. I brag about him every chance I get. I tell him his songs rock and that his latest drawing (hanging on the fridge) is a work of art. I tell him his dance moves are awesome and that he's adorable. I tell him I love him every chance I get.

So to the jerk at KFC, I certainly hope you never have kids. If you do, I feel sorry for them.

Small Talk Six: It's almost that season...

Today’s topic is “6 stores at which you wish you could register for Christmas presents for yourself.” You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences, 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc . . .

I'm not the shopper in the family. At all. I avoid the mall like the plague. I honestly think I've been there once since last Christmas. So this one was actually a tough topic for me.

But here's my six:
1. Circuit City
2. Micheal's
3. Macy's
4. Bed, Bath & Beyond
5. Maurice's
6. Victoria's Secret

Where's your favorite place to shop?

Want to join in? Go here to learn how and to view the weekly list Small Talk Six topics for 2009.

Coral for Christmas

I asked my niece this weekend what she wanted for Christmas this year. After rambling off a list including Barbies and sparkly shoes, I asked if she had been good this year.

Her response: Well, kinda. I got in a little trouble.

(Me) What do you think Santa will bring you?

Maybe he'll bring me some coral.

(Me) Why would he bring you coral?

Didn't you know? He gives all the bad kids coral.