5 Ways to be a Better Customer

There are about half a billion articles out there on how to be a good waitress. Smile, be friendly, make eye contact, yada yada yada. But not nearly as many on how to be a good customer. And there are quite a few people out there who could really benefit from a few guidelines.

1. Don't ignore the big ol' sign reading Hostess will seat you. The hostess gets paid to take you to a table and hand you a couple of menus. Go and seat yourself, and you'll find out what it means to have to wait. You will be the last table I go to, and probably get a bit of attitude.

2. Don't bring in your own food or drinks. If the sign on the door saying "no outside food or drinks" wasn't a big enough hint, think about the fact that we make money from selling you food, not from letting you take up our table to eat the lunch you brought from home. And if we ask you to put away your Starbucks, don't pitch a fit big enough to rival Paris.

3. Remember you will actually have to speak to your waitress. This means more than grunting and pointing at your menu. If you don't want to talk to anyone, go to your local Sheetz where all you have to do is push a button to order.

4. Realize waitresses are human beings. I am not a dog, nor a servant. This means you do not whistle to get my attention, grab my arm, or snap your fingers at me. Manners will get you a long way, namely decent service.

5. Do not hit on me. Lines like, "I'll take a waitress with nothing on it," or "Are you on the menu today?" do not impress me. Whether your old enough to be my grandfather or too young to have even hit puberty, keep your overused lines for someone who may actually care.

If we could just get everyone to follow these simple guidelines, waitressing would be so much less stressful, and I wouldn't come home thinking I should have spit in someone's food (not that I ever really would). Maybe my urge to up and smack the next person who seemed to have skipped manners week in Kindergarten would even go away.

Diner Drama

Today seemed like the longest day ever at work. It was just never ending. And I had to deal with people like this:

Guy walks in in his Sunday best, carrying his Starbucks coffee, and gets sat in my section. We have a big ol' sign on the door: "No outside food or drinks." So instead of being completely cruel and asking him to throw away such a yummy cup of coffee, I carry over one of our cups...

Me: I hate to bother you, but would you please pour your coffee into one of our cups? We don't allow outside food or drinks. (You should've read the sign, moron.)

Him, with a ton of attitude: Do you just want me to leave?

Me: No, I just want you to pour your coffee over.

Him: I'll just leave then.

Me, completely annoyed by now: Well, the door's right there, feel free.

Dude, it was a freaking cup of coffee. I didn't ask you to throw it away. I was completely nice at first. But you must have forgot to remove that stick from your butt before you sat down. And really, the big sign on the door didn't clue you in? And yeah, thanks for causing such a scene. At least all my other customers felt bad that I had to deal with such a jerk, and left me great tips. So, really, keep your dollar, you may have left, and go to McD's where they don't care how rude and stuck up you are. And to your wife, who sat there mouth gaping open in horror, get yourself some guts and remind him that in public, we act civilized.