Monday, September 1, 2008

Finding the Way to Me (1)

Some tv shows just get to me. I love crime drama shows, I'm completely addicted to them. Tonight, watching The Closer, it just got to me and I felt the need to either cry or throw up. Luckily, I did neither, since my hubby would think I was insane.

There are a lot of things I like to keep to myself. The past is in the past, and while I know if effects how I work and think today, I just find some things are easier not to talk about, and do my best just to forget about them.

Back to The Closer, tonights episode was about two victims of domestic abuse, one of which was killed. This is something that hits home with me, and just makes my heart ache all over again. Right after high school, I moved in with my boyfriend of a year. Looking back, I know it was a stupid move, but I was young and thought I could get my freedom by moving out of my parent's house.

Freedom is far from what I got. He was controlling and manipulative, I was stuck at home all the time, except for work. He got upset when anyone called my phone and I was too scared of what my parents would say to me for leaving, so I didn't even try to call them. That was the easiest part. As time when on, things got worse and worse. He started going out by himself, coming home drunk. When he was drunk, he was out of control, yet thought he controlled everything. He would throw things at me, grab ahold of me, and call me every derogatory name that has every been uttered.

It was never ending, I was shoved down stairs. It was an accident he said, he told people I slipped. He smashed a mirror above my head, letting glass fall around me like rain, but it was an accident, he had tripped. He left finger sized bruises that seemed to dance around my arm, but it was my fault, I shouldn't have tried to walk away from him. There were many other "incidents" worse than the last, yet he always had an excuse and an apology.

I finally had enough and walked out on him, literally. I walked out his front door in my barefeet and just walked until I found somewhere to go. I had had enough, and saw my escape. While each and every day I am thankful I did, the story doesn't end there. There was much more to come.

1 comment:

Belinda said...

Good for you for finding the courage to leave. After so much abuse, your self esteem is lowered and it is easy to believe you are trapped and dependant on your abuser, that's what he would want. You made a smart choice.