Tuesday, March 3, 2009

What I Am

Growing up, I always had that group that I fit into. During school, I was the goody-goody, getting good grades, always having work done early, actually enjoying classes. After school, I was the athlete, playing soccer or softball, and running cross-country. All weekend long, I was the party girl, bouncing from party to party without a care in the world until Monday morning rolled around (all without my parent's knowledge).

It seems that after graduating and starting a family, I've lost all three of those titles. I'm no longer the goody-goody, the athlete, or the party girl. I'm the mom, the waitress, the wife. It seems that I'm no longer defined so much by what I do, as by what others see me as.

Sometimes I wonder if there's still more to me than what others see. I am a mom: I entertain, I cook, I clean, I teach, I love, I cuddle. I'm a wife: I listen, I talk, I understand, I help, I love.

There are days when I feel as though I should add maid, personal chef, chauffeur, or psychiatrist to my resume. I'm a little of each at any given moment.

Some days I feel loved, some days completely unappreciated. Some days I wonder if this is where I'm meant to be, or if I missed something along the way. I wonder if I still fit in or if I've become the odd girl out.

I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party for one. It just seems that I've changed so much over the years, and sometimes I miss what I used to be. But, I know that I wouldn't change a thing, and I've always believed that things happen for a reason. It's just another page in my story it seems.


Unknown said...

Motherhood is definitely such a change in life. I know what you're talking about. I feel like a maid who's REALLY REALLY underpaid. LOL I think when we're exhausted and doing everything for everybody else it's easy to forget who we are along the way.

Cat@3KidsandUs said...

I know exactly how you feel. I wouldn't change being a mom for all the money in the world, but I often wonder who I will be when the kids finally leave the house.

AJ @ A Little Bit Nutty said...

I know exactly how you feel. It seems like I'm a gazillion different people at once and it's constantly changing as they grow older. It's all worth it though. I'll be sad when this part of the ride is over but I'm sure I will be happy to start a new chapter also.

Trish said...

I wrote a post not that long ago about how we tend to loose our identity. It does feel like that sometimes huh?

Anonymous said...

I think you're right Staci. At any given time, all of those things that we WERE, make up who we are now.

I have no desire to see people I knew long ago. I'm sure they would never recognize me and I wouldn't know them.

Today, I am an accumulation of all I've ever been. And it's a good thing.